it's me

she sent me back to the heavens

2008-08-24T06:02:00.001-07:00

There's a calf with a mournful eye
High above him there's a swallow
Winging swiftly through the sky

How the winds are laughing
They laugh with all the their might
Laugh and laugh the whole day through
And half the summer's night

Donna Donna Donna Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don
Donna Donna Donna Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don

"Stop complaining", said the farmer
Who told you a calf to be
Why don't you have wings to fly with
Like the swallow so proud and free

How the winds are laughing
They laugh with all the their might
Laugh and laugh the whole day through
And half the summer's night

Donna Donna Donna Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don
Donna Donna Donna Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don

Calves are easily bound and slaughtered
Never knowing the reason why
But whoever treasures freedom
Like the swallow has learned to fly

How the winds are laughing
They laugh with all the their might
Laugh and laugh the whole day through
And half the summer's night

Donna Donna Donna Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don
Donna Donna Donna Donna
Donna Donna Donna Don

2008-08-16T21:28:00.000-07:00

The Don't Quit Poem

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

Crash

2008-08-16T21:12:00.001-07:00

- blank -

Silver grains of white light

2008-05-22T02:50:00.000-07:00

She held them in her
hands
slowly
like diamonds and snowdrops
silver grains of white
light.

A tear
in her golden misted eyes
petal aflame with
pale ice
Silver grains of white
light.

Pulse
amid the crimson
heart(s?)
And a kiss
with lips painted with
silver grains of white

light.

Light for love.
Light for life.
Light for (L)You and (L)Me

eh?

2008-04-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

Dear you,

Don't ever change.

Love,
Me

2008-03-29T18:29:00.000-07:00

Will continue loving you for a long time.

Macau last year

(love!)

2008-03-22T05:40:00.000-07:00

Shit.

You had no idea how happy I was to get your message.

It's different from the feelings I had for you before. My heart didn't race.

But I was really happy.

I've been feeling really down nowadays. Then all of a sudden you messaged me and made me feel warm all over again.

I guess I really really really really like you.

Even if you didn't realize it.

I want to remain like this. Not forever. But at least for now.

2008-03-20T06:07:00.001-07:00

Misted eyes that
hang on painted threads
blue/pink/red/grey/white
shades

She closes them, only to see the crimson light.

2008-03-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

I hate you because you're so doggarn perfect.

2008-03-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

Unwrap,
the heartbeat in the
stone cold
book.

She reads it and puts it down.
Bom. Bom. Bom.

What was that all about?

Four

2008-03-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

Salt,
Is the potato chip in my hand,
Is the tear that slides down my check,
Is the frustration ringing in my throat.
Is the first.

Sour,
Is the little lemon in my hand,
Is the vomit that pours out my mouth,
Is the sorrow stinging in my heart.
Is the second.

Bitter,
Is the licorice in my hand,
Is the blood drop that drips from my knee,
Is the regret etched in my mind.
Is the third.

Sweet,
Is the candy in my hand,
Is the taste of the kiss from the lips,
Is the love and the heart and the body.
Is the fourth.

Four,
Is the number of limbs on my body.
Is more than three and less than five.
Is a pair and a pair.
Is just right.

to you

2008-03-15T02:22:00.001-07:00

Here's to the five of you:

I

You were one of the truest friends I ever had, though I don't know if you felt the same way about me. I've been very jealous of you at times, because you had such great friends and such talent. I've always told myself I look more attractive than you and that was how I was better than you. But I guess that's just my way of running away. You always catch me when I'm emo, when I'm feeling down and when I rant to you. You catch me while I'm falling down into hell, and you lift me up into this world again. At times I'm frustrated with you, but now, looking back, I think it's all worth it.

II

I guess I kinda had a lesbian crush on you. But I never really figured out whether the feelings I had for you were real or not. Was it mere infatuation? Or was it the real thing? Or was it just great friendship? I always admired you because you were so smart and pretty. You were everything I was not. You were funny when you didn't plan to be. You were serious and you were cool and suave. I was just that random person teasing you. Till now, I still don't get my feelings I had for you then. But whatever they were, right now, I treasure you as one of the greatest friends I ever had.

III

I guess you found someone new, huh?
But I still hope we can be friends.

IV

I don't remember much of that little time we spent together. I guess when I met you, I was excited. We had such common interests, and you were quite the man. Although, I had to admit, I was disappointed in how utterly stupid you were, but I guess, it didn't matter at the time. I know I was infatuated with you, partly because I was desperate, and also because I was bored. I admit I am quite the slut, and that it was cruel of me to just leave you like that. I left you hanging there on that thin thread, and I made things worse for you when I suddenly returned to talk to you just like that. I am a slut, but I really treasured that time we had together. I just hope that you'll find someone you really deserve.

V
I guess you were the only one I really kind of fell in love with. I kept telling myself it was just infatuation because you were hot and rich. You were never the kind of guy I thought I would be infatuated with. You were boring and annoying - the worst combination ever. But I remembered dreaming about you once and that really made me think.

I remembered my heart racing everytime you came online, and I always hesitated to talk to you on msn. I ended up saying rubbish and rude crap to you online, and that made me feel so embarrassed and stupid.

But you really brought out a different side of me. I never knew that I could be so aggressive and so yet easily fooled. You brought out the ambitious and overpowering side of me that I never knew I had.

I think it was probably because you never really cared about me. I'm the type of person who goes after the boys who play hard to get. But i still don't know if you were playing or not. Most likely, though, you weren't. I was stupid and foolish and a poseur. I was ridiculous and bitchy. I was fake and annoying. I became the type of person I hated the most, all because of you.

Now when I look at you again, I can still feel my heart racing, but not as fast and not as harshly. I told myself it was infatuation, but till now, I still doubt it.

I don't even know if I'm over you or not.

Let's just hope not.

2008-03-15T02:00:00.000-07:00

I tell everyone around me to be strong, to stand up to their beliefs and never let stress tear them apart.

I tell myself to stay strong and persevere, and that when I start something I should stick it through to the end.

I want you to understand how much I miss you, but when I finally got the chance to talk to you again, everything seemed different. Is it you? Or is it me?

I know I've changed all this time, but did I really change that much? Even the way I communicate to you?

What happened?

I tell everyone to be strong. I tell myself I should be strong.

It's all ironic.

Or maybe it's just because I'm a hypocrite.

Numa Numa HELL yeh

2008-02-28T02:16:00.000-08:00

For some reason, i found this really really really sexy.

No wonder Chicken Little was so obsessed with this song. (and the Spice Girls one too)

Aishiteru

2008-02-28T01:42:00.000-08:00

I could sail the skies and
listen to the
rain.
Pitter
Patter Pop
Pop
Bom Bom

Heartbeat.

Shh. Look at the
bluevioletindigoredyellowrainbow
colours of

Love

2008-02-10T04:27:00.001-08:00

I can do it, right?

2008-02-03T05:59:00.001-08:00

WHAT'S THERE TO BE PISSED ABOUT LAH!? F*** YOU

2008-02-02T05:53:00.000-08:00

I

II

you

III

We

2008-01-30T01:12:00.001-08:00

sayonara.

aishiteru.

2008-01-24T03:00:00.001-08:00

It's all my fault

lie?

2008-01-21T04:46:00.001-08:00

is this a lie?

light

2007-11-23T04:18:00.000-08:00

Shhh.

Forget about the
mind-wrenching pains of the
sorrows or the worries in the
exhausted world.

Hush.

Listen to the
delicate voices of the
milky stars of the
twillight sky

Look.

A shooting star,
nagareboshi,
A comet,
houki boshi

Close your eyes.

And make a wish.

run

2007-11-15T04:13:00.000-08:00

I stopped in my tracks to take in what I saw.

The endless gentle blue sky that held the white cirrus clouds.
The soft, fresh breeze around that brought along with it, essense of the fresh grass.
The evergreen trees and grass started to dance in the wind.

Then it happened.

Was it a push?

I was suddenly forced down the stairs.

Was it my body?

I just couldn't stop moving.

Was it natural reaction to something?

I wanted to move faster and faster.

Why?

An impulse of the moment?

I tried to stop, but I coudln't.

I could only slow down a bit.

I turned around.

Was there something behind me?

Nothing.

Then, why?

Why was I running?

Unwilling to stop.

It wasn't a feeling of freedom.

Of joy or excitement.

It wasn't a feeling of being frightened.

Or any feelings of that sort.

It was a feeling of never stopping.

Of wanting to continue to move forward.

It was as though I never wanted to stop.

Fairytale

2007-11-12T19:32:00.000-08:00

I know it's stupid.

But I want to remain a child forever.

I'd sit in the corner and play five stones.
I'd stare at the television and imagine myself as a fairy.
I'd look into the bottomless sky and wish upon a glimmering star.
I'd close my eyes and fall into a fairytale.

A snowglobe sits in front of me.
With diamonds glittering in its spherical sky,
Smiles engraved onto the immortal ceramic dolls.
And their eyes,

Full of hope,
Full of wonder,
Full of laughter,
And full of

lifelessness?

It's so real,
It's fake.

It's so beautiful,
It's ghastly.

But still, I want it.

My fairytale,

Is

Fantasticalmagicalwonderfulmusicallovely.

With childhood lullabys dancing in your ear,
Enchanting the soul,
Freeing the mind,
Drawing it in,

into the endless world.

You could call it Ecstasy,
Or poison.

You could call it a Fantasy,
Or hallucination.

But I don't care if it's just a trap.
If it's just a hallucination,
A trick of the mind.

I want to remain a child forever.

In that fantasy.

Trapped within a snowglobe.

Then the gentle glitter would fall onto the doll's face.

Cold and tender as real snow.

Ever so beautiful.
Ever so frozen.
Ever so unreal.
Ever so magical.

My world is a fairytale.

And I don't want to wake up.

Even if it is

a lie

Kiss

2007-11-12T00:18:00.001-08:00

and,

we forgot.

relive

2007-10-29T01:27:00.000-07:00

If there was another earth,
Would you shed light on it?

Like how God gave us trees,
Will you give me a sea?

And when the winter season falls,
Can you make the snow melt into spring?

After moulding this world,
And breathing life into it,
Please let the silence bloom into laughter,
Melt us with the rain of love.

One Chance

2007-10-28T03:34:00.001-07:00

For one more day,
To share smiles with all of you again,
To laugh and cry together,
I'd give up my sky.

For one more hour,
To relive that familiar world,
To feel your touch in a warm hug,
I'd give up my earth.

For one more minute,
To hear your voices cheering again,
To have time standing still in those days,
I'd give up my sea.

For one more second,
To laugh and sing and dance and cry,
To hug and smile and cheer together,
I'd give up my light.

For one more day,
Or an hour or a minute or a second,
For one more chance,
I'd give up my world.

I love you all, 203'07.

Ours

2007-10-22T02:10:00.000-07:00

I love shows that make you cry.

Go to www.tudou.com and watch Bokurano.

No I am not making some crap advertisement here. Bokurano is one of the most beautiful shows I've ever seen.

The excitement when you just heard that the game you were playing was real.
The horror when you find out the price you have to pay.
The contradicting feeling you have when you have to make a decision.
To fight or not to fight?

The love you feel within you when you fight.
The emptiness in you when you feel you're alone.
The hatred you feel when you know you're betrayed.
The coldness in you when you feel you've done it for nothing.

All these emotions are very beautifully brought across in Bokurano. So really, go and take a look! I cried in most of the episodes.

Speaking of crying, I cried a lot for Mitch Albom's For One More Day.

It's lovely,

like the salmon pink sunset.

I want to know

2007-10-12T06:08:00.000-07:00

"And... one more thing."
"Hmm?"
"Don't... don't leave me here, okay?"

January 31st, Tuesday, 8:06 pm
Dear diary,
He says he will come back. He'll bring lots of presents.

"I won't."

Febuary 29th, Thursday, 8:43 pm
Dear diary,
I hope he's having a good time there.

"Remember what I told you last time?"
"That you loved me?"

April 22nd, Thursday, 9:50 pm
Dear Diary,
I wonder what he's thinking about right now.

"Yeah."

April 23rd, Friday, 9:38 pm
Dear Diary,
It's been 3 years now.
Actually three years and 4 hours 32 minutes exactly.

"I'll tell you when I get back."

June 15th, Saturday, 7:49 pm
Dear Diary,
I haven't received any of his letters. I wonder if he received the letters I've written to him. May be he doesn't have the time to write. Businessmen are very busy.

"Promise?"

July 5th, Wednesday, 8:57 pm
Dear Diary,
Today is his birthday. I wonder if he received the scarf I knitted for him. Blue. His favourite colour.

"Yes,"

September 8th, Thursday, 7:12 pm
Dear Diary,
It seems he's rather healthy. I saw him in the newspapers today. He looks a bit different in the photo. More refined, handsome, elegant. He won the award he's been wanting. May be he'll come home soon. Then I can give him a new hairstyle. His current one reminds me of Adolf Hitler.

"I promise."

October 11th, Monday, 9:04 pm
Dear Diary,
Today is my birthday. I blew the candles and made my wish.
I wonder if he forgot today is my birthday. He said he would buy me a new pair of shoes. Shoes that I've always wanted.

Then we kissed our goodbye kiss.

December 24th, Sunday, 5:01 pm
Dear Diary,
It's Christmas today. The newspapers just came in.

TOP BUSINESSMEN MARRIES TOP MODEL

Perphaps, in the end,
he didn't love me.

All men want are younger bodies.

Melody of Memories

2007-09-20T01:33:00.001-07:00

Remember,

how we used to go to that lake?
The one that was so crystal clear,
that you could count every fish inside?
The one whose surface was like a silver sheet,
reflecting the joy of the silver sunlight?
And you could swear,
you saw little rainbows inside?

Remember

how that lake
used to hold your dreams, your aspirations,
your purity and
you?
how you would sing beside that lake
and talk to the fishes inside?
how you would smile and just sit there,
letting your imagination run free,
like a phoenix whose fiery tail
sent its flame of life all over the earth?

Yet time is cruel,
stopping for no man,
leaving no space for you to
catch your
breath

Now here you are,
looking at that lake again.
You've forgotten how to

sing, and you've lost the passion of

purity, and you've stopped knowing how to

laugh, and you don't remember your

dreams.

The flame of the phoenix,
that was once so great,
it was the energy of the sun,
is now dried up, wilted,
dead.

you look at that lake now.
And you forget its clarity,
because you only see the murkiness in front of you,
And you forget the sun's reflection,
because you only see your own.

And those dreams of flying into the sky,
and setting your spirit free,
letting your imagination run free,
like those wild horses in the field.
What happened to the songs you once sang?
The one filled with joy and the purity of someone
who remained pure.
Where is your life?
The wind stopped blowing in your heart,
and there is only
silence.

The flame that was once dancing,
among the stars and the sun,
disappeared along with the

crystal clear lake you once

remembered.

Carry me

2007-09-17T21:28:00.000-07:00

then she looked up, to see his emerald green eyes again. Darkness bloomed above and all around them, but she could see him clearer than ever, like the silver moon that maintained its gleam throughout the darkness. She smiled, and he smiled back. His teeth were whiter and shiner than the moon that beamed above them.

He asked her if she was alright. She nodded, and she began to sit up. Then he grabbed her hand, motioning her to lie down with him again. She giggled, and lay down in his arms once more.

Why was she feeling like this? There was Euphoria in her everywhere, yet there was somethign else - something she had never felt before. Is it what they call love? But she could never fall for him!

Or would she?

When you can't get someone out of your head, maybe that's where they're supposed to stay.

The morning light

2007-09-12T17:19:00.000-07:00

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

I can't help it.

The way your muscles move beneath your skin,
The way your movements show the strength in you,
The way you talk and the way you speak,
The way you look at me and smirk

And then the whole world crashes down on me

I can't believe it's you.

I wanted a prince charming.
Someone:

In a shining armour,
With a white stallion,
And a golden shield,
Holding the sword of chivalry.

The one who was supposed to be my

soulmate

was supposed to be

kind, gentle, caring, passionate,
sensitive, loving, shy, strong,
yet
always needs me to be there with him.

But I wound up falling for you.

This

messed up piece of

obnoxiousness wrapped in aluminium foil,
showing off your bling bling and your ka-ching,
laughing and smirking and being such a show off,
With a heart that is anything but soft.

Something that demands so much,
yet gives so little.

Ignores me,
Teases me,
Laughs at me,
Scowls at me.

Fate is cruel,
Love is blind,
Destiny hurts.

As the pain subsides,
The heart decides.

I looked up to see the morning light,
only to think of you.

let go

2007-09-07T01:51:00.000-07:00

not a couple by the beach anymore,

they're fighting and screaming and

she's left alone

not passion like a rose,

they're crying and shouting and

he's lost all hope

pain like the devil's claws
scratching through the heart

too sudden and fast
like the lightning that struck them dead

screams like the rebel's blade
piercing through what was meant to be innocent

they just have to

let go.

_____________

A dream

she lost her temper again. Fragments of glass pieces were shattering in all directions, slicing the air around. Then she hurt her. She lay on the floor, writhing in pain.

she didn't want to look.

she took off. and he followed. he offered her money. and they left.

her friends all told her to come back. she was filled with guilt, remorse. but he would always make it feel better. he was her anti-drug. he was always there for her.

then at the train station, she met her other friend, who merely smiled at her. and she burst into tears again. he tried to comfort her, and offered her money again.

then she woke up.

literally.

from a dream.

_______________

let's go to disneyland. I want to relive a fantasy, even if it doesn't exist.

Destiny

2007-09-06T18:49:00.001-07:00

it won't wash off.

It just clings onto you, unwilling to let go.

Like the bloodstain on your laundry.

It's just there.

the lost me

2007-09-06T06:53:00.001-07:00

I'll give you everything

Just as long as you continue to
just sing that

song.

I'll give you your dream,

Just as long as you continue to
just tell me your

joys.

I'll give you the love,

Just like the
hottestsexiestdevillisciouslovely

kisses.

I'll give you me

Just so long as
you give me

you

I don't mind if you're

theplayboytheweirdo
or
thejokerthebadboy

Just as long as you're

you.

Because you found the lost

me.